10:00 am - I am going to start

12:45 pm- I am working on the part related to hydraulic conductivity. I am gathering the info from here and there, papers, books, just copy/past then I will re-write or edit it. though I wasted time, not focusing for long time, but that is ok. if I can finish this part today that would be perfect.I am going for lunch

2:00 pm - back to work

6:30 pm- from last update, so far I worked for around 3 hours. Not good at all, 3 pages are almost finished, I have a meeting tomorrow at 3, I was supposed to read 4 papers and I just printed them. I have a class in the morning. I am leaving now, I will read the papers tonight, lets see.

11:00 pm- well I did not work. I went for a long walk, came home and prepared dinner/tomorrow lunch. I read only one page of a paper, am going to bed with the paper. sick of myself

2:30 pm - I had a busy Friday and Saturday, getting ready for our guests arrival. my parents are coming this Thursday, and I am dying of stress of my works :) I came to school to work for few hours.

6:45 pm - I am going home, I worked but don't know exactly how much. maybe I wasted around one hour.

1:00 pm - I worked for about 1h30 since this morning. I am home and am leaving for hairdressing at 2. I guess it takes 2-3 hours; coloring, cutting and she is very slow. I am gonna to see two friends after, a short visit cause they have some other plans to do, so if nothing happens I will be back at around 7, maryam you don't have time why you don't understand?!

12:35 pm - I had a morning class. I am just back to office, want to have lunch and check my emails,gooder

10:00 pm - Well, I worked on and off today, maybe for 3 hours. not good at all

10:50 am - I have been at school since 9! and I want to start now.
12 pm : I am going to lunch. I worked, not bad
1:15 pm - back to work
3:15 pm - I am reading and writing at the same time. I felt sleepy in between and I took a nap infront of monitor! I am going for a coffee.
6:00 pm - god damn me, really. I got back to work around 4, searched for an article from 1970! found the hard copy, did the scan and print, looked at 2 thesis to see if I can get something from them, that is all. I barely worked 4 hours, I am leaving now, will eat something out and go home. Maryam you have to work, can u undrestand?!

1:30 pm - I had a class from 9 to 12. I had lunch, some phone calls, checking emails,gooder and have not started yet. It seems my time schedule is not very good, in case I may need more time at the end to finalized my proposal and if he gives me major changes for last chapter, I wont have time. so what should I do? I thought to change it like that
Chapter 1,2,3 - first week of July
chapter 4, 5, 6 - first week of august
chapter 7 - end of august
but can I really do that? it means I should write at least 3 pages everyday, the point is in many parts I don't have an idea what to write, I should read, search for that. and I think how come I can finish 3 chapters by first of July when my parents are here from 3-27 June?

3:40 pm - well I corrected the resume which I gave my prof few days ago. I was searching in the documents of his previous phd student (after graduation I took his desk) for finding his proposal and comprehensive exam, I found them and I gave it to my colleague who knows french better than me to see what will we have in few months. I am so nervous and do nothing. hate myself

5:15 pm - I talked with my prof, he accepted the first time schedule. it means for end of June 2 chapters would be good. what is wrong with me? I am just going from this office to that one today, talking with people, thinking about how to write! and read for the exam :( well this is the first day of monthly filan!

5:45 pm- I am going home

11:00 am - I was in office at 9, but have not started yet, we, a bunch of poor peoples who have to work even in long weekend, had coffee and chat. I am going to start

1:15 pm - I worked for like 100 min. I am not satisfied. the only point is the report is finished. the others went out for lunch, I punished myself to stay here :D

2:00 pm - back to work

3:15 pm - only worked for half an hour! ghrrrrrrrrrrrr

5:00 pm - I am fucked up today. I don't know how much I spent studying from last post, I know very little. I may go home, I know it is ok if I get a break today as I worked the weekend, but I am behind, whenever I remember my works and deadlines and my parents being here I panic.

11:45 am - I am at school again. Will start reading the report in few min.

1:45 pm - I had 30 min break and studied the rest. going for lunch

3:15 pm - I have not started yet after lunch! oh gooder you will kill me one day.

6:30 pm - I am done for today. I wasted around 40 min from last post but studied the rest.I am going home. tomorrow is long weekend and I will come to school again :(
total - 3:40 , that is a shame, I was here for 6:30 and only 3:40

11:30 am - As I said I should work this weekend. I am in my bro's office and am going to start :)

12:15 pm - well I prepared the time schedule, I am just a bit more relaxed, here it is, if he accept it thought!
chapter 1 and 2 - End of June (maybe I can finish them sooner, but I need to buy time so I can be more with my parents who will be here in that time)
chapter 3 and 4 - End of July
Chapter 5 and 6 - Third week of August
Chapter 7 - 10 of September
beside that, I should gather the data I want to use for chapter 6, chapter 7 is my proposal and I should do the simulation and have some results for that time!

1:15 pm - I had written a report in fall semester which could be use in my proposal, I copy/paste the related parts and will work on it, add/remove some parts, add more references etc. this mainly cover chapter 1 and 2. I go for lunch

2:15 pm - back to work

3:30 pm - I am still reading. had few cups of tea, some chats with my bro, few min chat with a friend on skype....will take a break for 10 min

5:50 pm - I read a part of document, found some papers that may be useful and had 15-20 min of break. I am leaving now, that was much better than yesterday. I don't know if I work more today or not.

12:00 pm - I had my blood test today, so got here abit late around 10-10:15. I wrote the meeting report, send the list of refrences to my Prof and nothing else! just wasting time in gooder. I think I will start after lunch. it is a long week end here, I have no plan, and I should work really to have some progress before my parents come. my next meeting is first of june.

1:00-2:30 pm - reading the report-document. had 45 min phone call, 4-5 min chating with my friend and few min I took a nap! I left the office, the cooling fan is not working, and no more oxygen is left there, that was the reason I felt asleep. I am in labo

4:00 pm - ok! I am not sure what is wrong with me, but exactly after each meeting with my prof I stop working!!!!! I did nothing in last 1h30 - still tired, I think I have fever too, I am going home, but will work in weekend.

9:25 am - I am going to start. I really don't have anything to discuss with my prof. I may talk about my meeting with the postdoc, about some references that I search and his has them, and also a resume that I should prepare for site. totally empty handed :)

10:50 am - Damn it, I just finished the resume, all the time spending time for translating 3 paragraph to french. I am gonna take a break, I gave it to a friend to check it.

12:45 pm - I have meeting in 15 min :D , I really like him for his perseverance! for these meetings. I wasted some time from last post, prepared my stuff, finalized the resume, checked the simulation once more to see if it works and it didn't. will have lunch after meeting. I am so hungry.

1-1:30 pm - meeting, god bless me, he asked for my proposal time schedual, which chapter when and it should be finished(writing, correction, everything by end of september + I should be ready for exam at that time, the exam is not directly related to my project, god please help me!

1:30 - 3 pm : had lunch, talked with my colleague about the exam and other stuff, had a phone call

3-4:00 pm - went to see a friend who has been just back from Iran, went to her office

4-4:30 pm - Went to see another prof asking about the simulation, it seems I was following the correct path but the article's data are not very good, so I am gonna try it with another set of data, maybe it works this time.

4:50 pm - I am back to office, am very tired, I should plan my proposal time schedule, I will go for a coffee with another friend at 6, could I finish on time? could I pass my exam well? could I handle the proposal well? my parents will be here in two weeks and they stay for 3 weeks. so I can not count on June, I am behind the schedule, what happens if I miss one month?!

5:30 pm - I couldn't concentrate. I feel a bit pain in my foot and it has inflammation again. I want to take off my shoes. I am leaving to see my friend and hopefully go home soon to rest.

8:45 am - Morning :) well I was at school at 7:45 and I spent an hour having a coffee, checking my emails and reading the news.

11:00 am - I worked on simulation and I didn't get result. it doesn't run and gives me error all the time, so I am going to stop, I sent an email to Geo-slope support, with my file and the error files attached and ask them for help. I will take a break and be back to reading.

12:00 pm- Well I had a break, had a phone call, did the gooder thing, had some documents printed, and that is all. why did I take one hour break?! why?! I am very hungry but I should wait for my colleague and I have no idea where the hell is he. I am going to read till he arrives and then go for lunch.

12:30 pm- I read for 30 min, it is just for covering the wasted one hour. I am going for lunch, the guy texted me to say he will be late.

2:50 pm - I came back from lunch at 1:30, I started reading a report/paper. it is very hot here and the weather doesn't circulate. I am going to the 4th floor room to study there. I have ankle inflammation in both feet since 2 days ago. last night I put them at a higher level compare to my head during sleep and it was better in the morning, now they are here again :(

5:20 pm - I read and read. it is not bad, but I am a bit stressed about tomorrows meeting. I don't know what to say, well he just want me to talk about what I have done and maybe discuss about the problems. the simulation is not ready (it was just a test) and I have not read enough for a discussion. I really hate that I go there every week empty handed. by the way when you are supposed to read for your exam and to write for your proposal what is the point of every week meetings? I guess I asked it before! I am going home

almost 6 hours....very bad for me

11:20 pm - I stopped by my brother/sister in law office before going home and found them leaving for dinner with a plan of coming back for studying. I joined them. after dinner and a coffee, I started from 8:15 till now, reading and dealing with simulation. the support guy answered my email, he suggested that I upgrade the version, which is not possible I guess, and mentioned an error in my initial boundary condition, I corrected that but still can not simulate the rainfall/ infiltration. I will look at it tomorrow, I am so tired. leaving office for home and my bed.

9:30-10:15 am - reading some documents about slope stability

10:15-10:45 am - a rendez-vous! with the postdoc to ask some question about his work, data and simulation.

11:15 am _ I don't have my laptop with me today, so came in to Labo to work here.

12:30 pm- I went through documents again, reading them. Had a phone call, surf the net and am not happy about my morning work. I am going to lunch.

1:15-2:30 pm - Reading the document, they are finished.

2:30- 3:15 pm - Having a coffee, talking on the phone, checking my emails and surfing the net!

5:30 pm - I worked on the simulation, the step 1 worked! (it was a very stupid mistake!) but still not the result that I want. I did some searching, found some papers that may be of interest. I am leaving now and promise to work when I get home. lets see!

11:48 pm - Well I worked, not as much as expected. I worked on the simulation, I corrected some errors that hopefully let me to correct results, I was trying to run it, I connected to Ecole, but it gives me an error which I have no idea about it. totally hopeless, I am going to check it tomorrow to see either it is from VPN, or the simulation!

9:15 am - I got up early today to have a blood test. I am pissed off just like Saturday morning. I don't know what is the point of having insurance card while everyone charge you for blood test. I should look for another place. I am going to start working.

11:30 am - working on the simulation. I am stocked in a part.I had like 20 min of wasting!

1:00 pm - Still working on simulation. no progress. I had lunch

2:30 pm - I stopped working on simulation, I know the step 2-10 but step 1 is missing, I asked my colleague who is expert in Seep/w if he could help me, he had no idea too. I will study the "soil mechanics..." for few hours.

3:45 pm - I have no idea what did I do in last 75 min. I worked abit on the simulation and talked on the phone and chat with a colleague, just lost the time

5:45 pm - I read only 1/4 of the chapter, the F.chapter is mostly mathematics, I will be dead by the end of it. Today, I couldn't handle wearing my glasses, I feel sick in my stomach and I feel pain in my eyes and have headache too! I am going home and I HAVE to work tonight. I have a meeting on Thursday :(

11:30 pm - I got home, rest for a while, went for a walk, prepared something for dinner, watched CSI, surf the net, took a shower and not even a single word of studying. I have lot of stress, too many works, if it was only one thing maybe I could manage it better, now I should work on different stuffs, though they are related but I couldn't do few hours of each everyday, and if I do each like 2-3 days a week, it may last only for a short time , then I forget what I was supposed to do. I can not focus even for 15 min, I don't feel fresh at all, I forget things easily and I feel horrible. Besides I do have lot of grammar/dictation errors here!

9:45 am - My day is about to begin.

1:30 pm - I started chapter 7, with minimum focous though, as I had to read each paragraph for seversal times. I read till 12:30 then had lunch, now am back to work. I am so tired of my life style.

4:00 pm - Chapter 7 is finished, but I really dont have any idea how many hours I spent, as I was struggeling with my mind all the time. I have some friends for dinner, the good news is I did most of the cooking last night, and the only bad news is that I dont work as I should.

11:45 am - I slept late last night, my cell didn't wake me up, I got at school late, and I have done nothing but reading gooder. I feel tired, I skipped the morning class, I should attend a presentation at 3, I am going home at 6, and I am not sure if I work like a human today but I will try my best.

12:30 pm - Guess what? I had two phone calls from Iran, so nothing has been done. I am going to lunch

4:15 pm - I am just back from the presentation. before going there I just read some pages from "Essentials of soil mechanics and foundations", not a productive day at all. I may go home soon.

6:30 pm - I had a long day, it was the "Congrès de l’Acfas" from 9 to 5. I have no idea how I handeled 16 presentation in french and non of them related to my work! But I had to be there as my Prof told me to do so. I know it sounds ridiculous that after 3 years I still don't understand french! I do believe that here is not a good place for learning languages. my English has become worse, as in school courses and people are francophone and they know English as second lang (some don't know at all), but I do my stuff, reading, writing in English and outside, people are switching all the time. and I don't talk much with my colleague as everyone is working all day. I should find a way though, it is so disappointing.

12:00 pm - I had a morning class which is finished now. I got my mark, it was a B. The point is the exam was not very bad compare to others, but the assignments were. and I keep this right for myself to blame my colleague for that. We were suppose to do that together and his didn't start any of them until the last day. He was just suppose to do the writing parts, I did all the simulation and graphs and he was doing the rest, having a corrected assignment in his hand from previous session. here is the result, I wish I had done it all by myself.

2:30 pm - I am back to office. I was not in the mood of working. I am going to start.

5:15 pm - I was working with Slope/w on and off (it was mostly off!). The days with classes is FU for me. I don't know why! I should leave in few min as I am going to see a friend. I will try to work when I get home. lets see. I need to be more organized. I really need that.

9:10 am - I was planning to start earlier :( I have a weekly meeting with my Prof, I was thinking to do some simulation for him, nothing yet. I hope to prepare something for this afternoon. it is good that he wants to see me every week, but when I have not started my project, what is the point?!
I did not have a good day yesterday, emotionally.

12:00 pm - I worked on a simulation till last post, with a 30 min break. The point is I have a problem in simulating the initial condition and damn I can not get an answer. I have a meeting at 3, I am going for lunch.

1:00 pm - I am back to work.

3:20 pm - The meeting is over, I really like to know what does he think about me :) . I worked since last post with a waste of like 15 min. I want to take a break for a tea or coffee.

5:20 pm - I didn't work much, just wrote my last two meeting reports and the rest was digging in gooder! I may go home and work later.

11:10 pm - Well as you may guess I did nothing. I came home and went for a walk/run for about an hour, came home, had dinner and cooked tomorrow's lunch, watched TV and internet, internet, internt...

11:24 pm - I went to Ecole at around 10 am, and was there till 2:30 pm, I worked for about 3h30 :)

10:15 am - I am so bored these days and want to do nothing. Not even excited about having my parents in less than a month. I am going to strat working.

12:30 pm - I wasted about 40 min and the rest I worked. I am so sad today.

1:30 pm - I am back to work.

2:45 pm - I wasted 15 min, the rest I went through the manual, it is almost 400 pages and I have just looked at 130 pages, I am not going to real all but I have to look otherwise I have no idea. I am so sleepy, maybe drink some tea. I feel I am stupid, I don't learn anything deeply. I just read them.

5:00 pm - I worked from 3:15 till now. with 15-20 min wasting time. I am page 160, too behind. I am going home in few min, I am going to yoga.

1:00 am- I finished page 200th

11:00 am - I went to the class, but stayed only for first part, I should check "plan d'etude" before I go. the session was not related to my work. I skipped the class at 10, came to my office and did nothing till now! I am going to start.

12:00 pm - I continued with software manual, I should have more speed. I am going for lunch.

3:00 pm - I studied from 1:30 to 3. not good, not bad. I went to see the Prof about the exam, he was not there, I am back to office to work.

3:50 pm - I have done nothing since last post. God, what is going on with me? I was checking my gooder, I had a chat on the phone and am not interested to work at all.

6:00 pm - From last post till now, I studied for 1h30 more or less. I saw the Prof for the exam, me and my colleague actually, he said he has not corrected them (liar!), maybe tomorrow. that means he doesn't like us do something to gain better mark. I hope he doesn't fail me. I am having a panic attack again, that I don't have enough knowledge and they will reject me for proposal and the comprehensive exam. I am going home to watch my faviourate TV series, Vampire diaries, yep that is right :D

9:25 am- I am home. I will start in few min.

11:30 am - I worked for about one hour and half. I am leaving home to my brothers place, they are arriving from vacation and the key is with me. I may not be able to study for few hours.

4:00 pm - I am in Cafe. I gave the key, we had tea and chat. It seems they had great fun in Italy. thanks god at least someone is happy :) I am going back to work.

5:30 pm - I think I should work with timer from tomorrow! in last 1h30 min, I studied abit, chat with a friend, had a coffee, watched some clips and the people in the street. God please kill me!

7:00 pm - well I studied for at least 1h15. I am reading the software manual, the software is easy to use and not a big deal, the problem is behind the scene. how to prepare input data, how to consider the boundary conditions and so on. I am going home, it is becoming crowded here and the weather is great and when I see happy people walking around I feel miserable! I studied less than 4 hours today, I should work tonight and I have a course at 9 am tomorrow :(

12:00 am: I worked like 1h30 from 7 till now. I am going to sleep to get up early tomorrow. I have weekly meeting with my Prof on Monday and the stresses are just around the corner!

2:00 pm- I am auditing a course this summer, today was the first session, from 9-12 , I had lunch and want to start something. I feel so tired, no idea why, I am thinking about going home. I don't have my laptop with me, so maybe go home, take it and go to cafe, I don't know. I am so confused.

3:00 pm - I went through all the stuff that I should read/write/simulate with their help! I afraid to have a plan as I am sure I wont follow that. I decided to start with Geoslope-Slope manual. I will go home soon and work from there.

6:00 pm - I worked for 2 hours. I just got home and I am dead tired,why? god knows! I think I am gonna right to bed and sleep. I cant even keep my eyes open :(

9:00 pm - I slept for almost 2 hours.

12:10 pm- I was at school from 9, doing some other stuff than studying, including paying tuition fees! I am thinking about where to start, I need a plan for what I should do in summer.I will start after lunch.

2:40 pm - I am fucked up today, I have not started yet, lost between papers, documents and books which should be read. I had to install a software which I did. It is raining, the office is crowded and I am not in the mood.

4:00 pm - it hasn't been a day so far! I am going home, I edit some of my references in Endnote, I am going for a yoga session at 7. I am comfortable here for studying, tomorrow I may go to library. lets see if I can study at home before I go for yoga.

6:40 pm- I was unbelievable today! after weekend and doing nothing, today I am disappointed with myself. I was supposed to work today! I am going to yoga in 20 min, lets see if I work when I come back, shame on you Maryam.